Like you, fellow Pokemon fan, I have many great ideas. Unlike you, I have artistic ability so decided to design three Pokemon that can feel disappointed not to be launching into your hearts with the upcoming release of Pokemon Sun and Moon. If you are reading Nintendo: you’re welcome.
Pokemon One – Triangleman:
Triangleman is my first creation. Why? I hear you ask, because the triangle is the strongest shape in nature, and probably the most noble. The pyramids are triangle, the Illuminati love a nice triangle, those new tea-bags are triangles – well pyramids, but pyramids are basically 3D triangles, so its the same. As you can see, it was literally a no-brainer.
Triangleman has red eyes because he is angry about the state of the worlds environmental issues, and is real mad about the prospect of Donald Trump leaving the Paris climate agreement. He has tanned legs because he is from Egypt, and green shoes to look nice. He is also the bastard son of a pyramid and so is only 2D.
Pokemon Two – H2Oh-no:
Seventy-one percent of Earth is water, so its only a matter of time until some becomes sentient and tries to kill of all other things/Pokemon. With that I bring you H2Oh-no. Water is everywhere, but this Pokemon is extremely hard to find because it blends in so seamlessly, able to obscure its facial features into waves so it can be anywhere there is water, hidden. Spooked yet?
H2Oh-No is unlike most other Pokemon as he is trying to destroy everyone, it wants complete domination of Earth. It was first discovered at the Saffron City gates, a lone child adventurer gave the guard a bottle of water as a bribe to slip into the city, as the guard opened the bottle, H2Oh-no appeared and drowned the guard. Various sightings across all regions seem to indicate a mass consciousness event across all forms of water, meaning potentially different evolutionary forms in the future, and possibly the end of all carbon based life on Earth.
Pokemon Three – Hugh Lorry:
Hugh Lorry is the result of a freak accident between a lorry and a ladybug. Details are unclear on what exactly happened but here we are, we now have a ladybug truck that science can’t explain. The Pokemon was named Hugh as the Scientists trying to work out what happened found it funny, and it calmed their existential crisis caused by the lorry shattering all their previously held beliefs in science. In this way Hugh Lorry’s strongest ability is that it exists, it doesn’t say anything, it just stares into the soul of the trainer who dares own it.
In battle however Hugh Lorry is at home, just driving over his enemies, and then reversing, and then driving over them again mercilessly until the battle is won, he then stares into the opponent trainers eyes until he is recalled again. The Pokemon seems to have no ill feelings towards anyone, but like a machine does exactly as commanded, and like a ladybug is red and black.
So there are three Pokemon who can feel disappointed to be missing out on a place in Pokemon Sun and Moon, don’t agree? Well, draw a MS Paint picture and try to come up with a backstory that explains why it exists and I will still probably disagree, but you can try.